At the beginning of the week, I had posted a picture of this sticky note as a reminder and "challenge" to everyone who follows me on Instagram/Facebook. The sticky is affixed to the monitor on my desk, so that it's always within view while working.
I posted the challenge first, for myself because it would be something I would've wanted to see as inspiration going into this week when I opened my IG app. See, my Supervisor had quit last week and suddenly I'm in this position to take on all of these meetings, lead a team, AND figure out where everything else, on top of my own caseload. This all was left by someone who felt the need to always try to have control and was not one open to try new methods to work "smarter, not harder." What got her to quit was when there were tons of compounded issues and she didn't feel speaking up, even above her first-level management team would be helpful. So, she gave up and quit. She quit her position and she quit the strongest team that was below her that would've supported her had she reached out, in 3 years.
So with all of that, how did I fare this week with the challenge?
I did much better towards the end than I did at the beginning; however, I would not give myself a complete passing grade and I will tell y'all why.
For the most part, I handled everything like a champ right out of the gate.
First off - Thanks to my Coach for being my right wing in preparation, as I had the assignment to schedule out everything for this past week from wake-up to bedtime. This included my morning routine (walks, bible reading/prayer, writing, and Calm meditation app), blocking off my work hours and tasks (meetings, 1-1s, any time I needed to take for myself to work on specific tasks) breaks, lunch time, volunteering, dinner time, studying, workouts, worship meetings, lifting team calls and 1-1s, and finally, PM wind-down to bedtime.
Next, was stepping outside of my comfort zone and speaking up whenever I was either stuck, overwhelmed, or something was not working. Usually I can speak up in general, but this was a whole new level and definitely took courage and patience. Not just against anyone I spoke (or stood) up against, but more so against myself. And that took a lot of energy.
Why do you need courage against yourself?
Think about it. What happens when we are uncomfortable? We either:
Get stuck in it - hide - and eventually shut down until one day we see a little glimmer of light and try again only to restart the cycle
-or we -
Learn from it - grow - and propel forward
In my instance, a few weeks ago I was being constantly pressured to officially take on the supervisory role. I knew deep down in my heart and fiber of my being that this was not what I wanted. It does not contribute to the bigger picture of my life, or final goals. Plus, the responsibilities of this role make you play someone that I do not care to be. However, when I was commented to by Management, I didn't just give them an answer. I hesitated in hopes this would handle itself and go away. But hesitating on myself didn't make anything better - it brought on an extremely intense internal struggle that I have not had in a very long time. I am a person with great faith in God, so I do believe that I was warring inside on a spiritual level. I was determined being a Supervisor would slowly choke out the things that contribute to my spiritual goals (the bigger and best goals I have) and so when I hesitated, I knew that would try to pry open a divide and get me to stumble from my path when I should've stood firm. I was constantly praying for more strength and faith up to this point, don't misjudge me - I don't rely on my own power, but I am also an imperfect human. But I needed to have courage against myself, to say no - No, we aren't going to hesitate. No, I know that is something I truly don't want and it is OK to pass. No, you do not need to be the only one to step up and save everyone else. No, it is not your responsibility to take on others' feelings when they haven't considered yours. No, we aren't going to sit or lay around today and be lazy because we have allowed others to take our energy - get up, do something that brings you joy and refill your cup, with or without other people who don't take your energy, but positively contribute to it.
Thankfully, my Coaches have taught me not only how to reach out when I encounter my obstacles, but how to close the gap in time for reaching out. Closing the gap in not hesitating, which leads to overthinking, which leads to doubt. Which ultimately leads to lack of faith - whether in God, or in yourself to that certain degree as a person. So while I do believe this instance wasn't ordinary and I give myself some grace thinking back on it, I refuse to dwell on the little details and get stuck in it, and that is the point!
Forwarding back to this week.... while I already knew everyone had their opinions of what is happening, I had to ensure my equanimity switch was on and strong because I have to be a "safe space" for everyone to vent their feelings, but be levelheaded to not take them on as my own, but continue to see the bigger picture while also providing them with reassurance in their own stress and frustrations. I'm actually learning what it's like to be a coach myself in a more official way!
But the biggest takeaways towards the challenge are:
1. When you are feeling pressure, ask yourself these questions:
Why am I feeling this pressure?
Where is this pressure truly coming from?
If it's coming from yourself again, ask yourself "Why?" or "Do I feel like (name) expects me to do this?" If so, did they ask you, or do you feel obligated or maybe hold yourself guilty if you don’t do things for them? (People pleasing) And if it's the latter - again, "Why do you feel obligated and guilty towards them if they didn't truly ask you?" Stop it.
2. Then, we need to realize the following, whether we reach clarity or not from the above questions:
If something in life is overwhelming you, this is an indication that another part of your life is lacking or falling to the wayside.
You see, we will always have trials and obstacles. We will never get to a level where everything becomes easy. No, it will never be easy, but we become stronger and wiser in how we navigate the paths of those unknown levels. The levels are essentially the same, just a higher frequency if you will.
With good comes, bad – darkness and light. If we are feeling overwhelmed, that is not necessarily a “bad” emotion, but it can turn negative if we allow it to consume us. So then, most people think “leveling up” to that is the answer, but we need to ensure we are surpassing whatever is overwhelming us. Or in other words, we need to be able to “cover over” and level past it.
What happens when you have an LED flashlight in complete darkness and turn it on? Does it just stop short directly in front of you, as if to say, “Well, here’s where darkness begins, here’s where I meet it. You should be good to walk now”? That’s ridiculous. No, it streamlines like a laser beam through the darkness, as far as YOU can see. So now, if you got a flood light, what happens? Every darkness in its path becomes light. It “covers over” it, right? (Que, the infamous line “Look, Simba. Everything the light touches, is our kingdom.”)
If you are overwhelmed, get yourself a flood light immediately! Get back to basics to reground yourself. What are your basics….
You must be proactive in keeping balance.
For example: my work situation, I realized that I’ve been overextending my energy in speaking/standing up there, in efforts to protect my personal life that I couldn’t keep refilling my cup to the higher or highest degree, with the things that genuinely bring me joy on a personal level.
What do we do if you notice things are starting to fall out of balance? What if they are and it seems like we can’t stop it?
As I keep saying with everything, first thing we need to do is get out of our head. Whether that is text a friend or loved one we feel safe with in sharing our thoughts/feelings or calling them – just do it and ASAP. The longer we hesitate in making that action, the longer we are stuck. The longer we are stuck, the more we suffer and make it harder to get back on track. There’s no need to suffer! And let me tell you this because I tell myself now:
IT’S OK TO NOT HAVE ALL OF THE ANSWERS, AND IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP. Read that again… and then, stop yourself from trying to justify, “But if I just give myself some time, I can figure it out.” But do you, really or is that you trying to protect your ego? I honestly get it, but your ego doesn’t care if you suffer, and I do. Stop it.
What are the things you do as “minimums” or “basics” that help you refill your cup/refresh your spirit each day and week? Here are some of mine:
Take a walk outside – doesn’t matter if it’s 20 or 85 degrees, just get outside at least 30 minutes everyday in sunlight
Read the bible, pray, study, and meditate on it
Calm meditation app – helps with breathing techniques for when I am stressed or starting to feel even slightly anxious. I use this before I start work, and during my wind-down time before bed
Workout
Journal and blog (hi!)
Meet or check-in with my Coaches
Share wins and then obstacles with others as they happen (will write more on this another time)
In summary –
As I mentioned earlier, I wouldn’t exactly pass or fail myself on the challenge of not putting energy into things that haven’t happened yet, but I did mention to my Coach that when I started putting a lot of pressure on myself regarding getting my workouts done, he asked me why and where that came from. I got very upset and frustrated with myself, because I’ve had this lifelong habit of doing everything on my own, that in my head I must get it ALL done and to the highest expectation. Even though I know perfection is the lowest of all standards, and it’s not all or nothing (I just wrote about this!), but my imperfect human “pea” (Reticular Activating System – RAS) decided to rage and have a meltdown anyway back to the last known bad habit's time. My answer to my Coach was this: “I think because things are going so well, almost unexpectantly, I am like, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am waiting for something to fail. Waiting for me to fail.” Oof.
I went on to fully acknowledge that I was, at that moment, totally putting energy into something that has not happened yet. Darn it, so close. But my Coaches are amazing, and he reassured me again, to look at the evidence – where is the indication I will fail? I’m keeping up with my spiritual routine and faith, I’m crushing my job, I’m doing the best I can with the workouts I get done and I’m hitting my other fitness plan minimums. There is nothing proving that I am on the track to failure. If we don’t continue to put energy into that thought and allow it…. It’s not going to happen. Friends, we have power and choices. However, we must determine which ones are more priority and beneficial to us over others. Don’t waste your energy on creating problems that don’t exist and better yet, we have no evidence will ever exist!
Keep life as simple as you can. It’s OK to prepare for the future, but don’t forget to just be present and focus your energy on what you truly can control, today. And know this:
What you do today in being present, will help set you up for tomorrow and beyond whether that be failure or continuing to crush it. So, shine them flood lights and continue to protect your energy for the fights that truly matter 💛
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