I love meditation. Whether it's using the "Calm" app, or spiritual meditation, I strive to do them both daily, but I tend to let Calm falter way more than I should. However, today I told myself to "get back on the horse" and use it and man, that was the second-best decision I've made today!
The "Daily Calm" was about acceptance which, usually I try to find one that I feel I may specifically need, but it was obvious that today's was already chosen for me. I have been having ongoing obstacles at work, but thought things appeared to be getting better; however, I got fed up with losing sleep the night before over a couple of things that had been recently occurring and sent an email to management advising that I would not be involved with something, and they can handle it.... I know, not my finest moment. My manager did talk to me and realized how burnt out and upset I was but kept telling me things were fine the way they were going, and I needed to let go. Her response did not appear to help me but tended to fuel the fire I was feeling now. Thankfully, I was supposed to be on time off later that day, and she directed me to take it earlier. I scheduled to take Thursday through Monday off and spent 3.5 gloriously fun-filled days with my family.
So, here we are on Tuesday morning, and I won't lie, I dreaded starting work. Especially with finding out I had another meeting with my manager this morning. That's when I popped on Calm and here were my takeaways of this fantastic piece:
We always have 3 choices:
Accept it, change it, or leave.
If there's simply nothing we can do, we can't leave and it won't change, all we can do is accept and if we don't...we are RESISTING. And THAT amplifies our suffering.
The most kind and compassionate thing we can do for ourselves is to get present and move into acceptance. This doesn't mean sitting down and just surrendering but facing our circumstances with honesty and compassion. Saying to yourself, "OK, this is what's happening right now and rather than adding to my suffering, accepting this is what's for now, but eventually things WILL change."
Phew! I mean, exactly what I needed heading into today, right?! As I entitled this post, "Resistance, Ironically," because when we are feeling something pushing back yes, it can be opposition to the right thing(s) you are doing, but ironically, I am learning this time it is my own resistance to something or someone(s) I downright cannot change. And again, through experience of talking things out with my manager in the past, I expected something more. And while I try to see the bigger picture and think of the ripple effect it would have on others, it still didn't take away the resistance I was having to the root issue.
I appear to have taken a couple of steps back into my old self/habits.
And the anger I felt the other day when it happened, that was not toward anyone but myself, no matter how hard I wanted to pin it otherwise. And you know what, that is OK. I am imperfect and let that get the best of me. But I did mention to my Coach last week I am aware that I tend to deny (or resist, for sake of this post) myself and what I'm trying to do in life - what my true purpose is in what truly matters. With that, I need to stop resisting what's right and best for me and let go of what isn't that big of a deal in the overall picture of my life!
Bottom line: Everything will change, even things we don't have control over - storms don't last and neither will our trials. Sure, they might get worse before they get better, but they don't care what's in their way. They continue processing until they are done and then let the sun shine again, and we should do the same if we genuinely want to grow and be stronger☀️🌻
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