Raise your hand if:
you have a tough time accepting compliments
you feel slightly to very cringey when someone speaks good or positive about you in your presence
you fall into a mental rabbit hole or loop when good things start happening to you - as to say, you just don't get why because they usually never do, and it's "you"
when you do hear positive feedback, you simply shrug it off and tend to say things like, "I'm just being me" or "it's nothing special, I was just doing my job"
Guess what? Me too. Yes, for real.
I mentioned a little bit ago that I had not posted in a while because I was not feeling my blog. Rather, it was more of I was not feeling it was up to my standard, as I wasn't quite sure what that standard was, or what direction I wanted to take it in. It won't be sudden, that's all I can tell you. But the biggest thing processing was I realized that I was fighting with "Imposter Syndrome." Hard. Imposter syndrome is defined by NCBI as, "Imposter syndrome describes high-achieving individuals who, despite their objective successes, fail to internalize their accomplishments and have persistent self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud or impostor."*
For myself, everything appeared to go smoothly in life: work was being handled and productive, my workouts were moving, and I felt good physically, the relationships in my life were where I wanted them to be, I was keeping up with my daily habits and people close to me, etc.
So where does the feeling of being an imposter come from at a time when life seems smooth as gravy and mashed potatoes?
I've always struggled with giving myself credit for like, anything. I just do. I'm just Erin. The irony in that though, is I tend to pride myself on being a motivator, inspirator, supporter of people and their own goals. However, when it comes to me, I always allow myself to fade into the background whether it's due to others "chirping" in my ear or not immediately stopping those old self-believing doubts whenever they creep up.
So then, how do we get past this syndrome?
Remember these points:
Always be genuine and live your life that is true to you. Sure, you will always be around or gravitated towards others who have similar beliefs and goals to yourself; however, we need to remember that nobody is truly the same deep down and we all must walk our own "path." When it comes down to the "nitty-gritty" of life, most people cannot agree completely because we are all unique and situations or circumstances will never be the same. Like snowflakes. So instead of always trying to follow, find a way to embrace who YOU are. What makes YOU, you, learn to love that and then live it.
Stop people pleasing. I don't mean to stop doing pleasant things for others, rather, stop pleasing them so much to the point where it affects your life. Where it leaves you doubting your decisions, actions, and only plain exhausted emotionally, mentally, and then physically. Because again, this is YOUR life, your journey, path, whatever you want to call it. Nobody can walk it for you. So why are you doing things for others that aren't necessarily willing to do for themselves, just for the sake of their admiration?
If you aren't people pleasing, are you comparing yourself? Well, stop it! Listen, (rather, read) there is ALWAYS going to be "bigger fish" in the sea, right. Someone is always going to be better at everything in life than us, that's a fact. But the larger fact of the matter is, IT DOES NOT MATTER! God made YOU, the only you there is. And if you want to do x-y-z... then, you go on and do it! Seriously.
And secondly, this may sting a bit but.... Nobody is paying attention to what you are doing. Nope, they're not. I guarantee it. That's all in your head - maybe part of you wishes they were, which throws us back to people pleasing, you want someone to pat you on the back. Who doesn't at times - but then, throw it back to number one: is that true to you and being genuine? See where I'm going... But back to this point: Even if others are incredibly good at what they're doing, they're so busy and tired at doing it or, they probably feel exactly like you do right now - Am I doing this right, am I good enough, should I even do this, who will want this, who am I to think I will be good for it, blah blah blah. See the vicious cycle? We are alone in our thoughts, but we are all together in these feelings. Ironic, I know but phew, what a weight off! And besides, even if you and every person were doing the same things, yours would still be special (to me), simply because it's you. Be a snowflake. They're beautiful and fun - just like you.
Firmly tell your brain to "Be quiet and take a seat!" We hear it all the time: we are our own worst critics. But who else are we allowing to be our critic, whether consciously or not? Family, friends, co-workers, things we watch on TV, songs we listen to, books/articles we read, etc. all affect us on some kind of level. And with that, we are constantly taking in positive and negative things to our brains. But what are you choosing to keep, and what do you filter out? Does the positive feed get spritzed in, give you a quick serotonin boost, then dissolve while the negative gets dumped in and sits there to fester because there are no towels to mop it up? Well, if that is the case then we must first analyze who and what we are keeping around us and how much they feed into things - are they more positive or negative? It's true, we cannot change others and some people we cannot avoid day in and day out; however, that is why we must analyze our life so that we can reallocate one space for another, as needed. If we let all areas of our lives be low, then we will just become stuck.
In wrapping this point up: The fact is, there is always going to be someone better at everything than us in life, but who now is telling you that you're not good enough? More importantly, who are they that we listening to them, taking in what they are saying "as gold" and allowing ourselves to process it to the point that we even consider it as truth?
As I said - Tell your brain, "Be Quiet and Take a seat" because you have to. If you don't, you will continue to think these self-destructive, self-doubting thoughts, and that's not fair. If someone close to you was being talked badly about, what would you do? No doubt you would stand up for them and tell that person (or persons) to shut up, right? Well, be your own best friend first. Stand up for YOU, first and tell your wishy-washy brain who's boss! Cause you are better than that.
Importantly.....the world is full of fakes. I'm not saying that just to be snarky. I'm saying that because look around - we now live (or are trying to survive) in a social media world. Many people post only the highlights of their life, which can be good if it inspires some and it helps them to feel better, but what goes up must come down at some point, right? How long can a person uphold a facade if you meet that person (or know them), and you see how they actually live, what does that do you both mentally and emotionally? Secondly, for those that are tremendously successful and use social media or any other internet-based services, the rest of us do not necessarily get to see all the steps it took them to get there. With those steps comes not only a consistent incline of success but could also be YEARS of failing. And not just with one thing, MANY failed things, but they kept going. They sacrificed, destroyed, and rebuilt. But then they only show the highlights - that can still be considered "faking" it. My point is, don't get caught up in someone's 15 seconds and compare it to years or lifetime of work that got you to where you are.
Last, and most importantly - - - Have faith in yourself. If you think about what faith is, there are two ways to have it: one is like having faith in a friend. You won't have any true faith in them when you first meet them, but over time they do things that help build faith and confidence in them, right? Well, the other end of that spectrum is faith as with spiritual beliefs. It is usually defined as having faith in a higher power that you cannot see, but both require a special key to have faith - evidence. So, when you start thinking against yourself, like you don't belong in your job, doing some kind of hobby, sharing anything amongst other people that you feel good about, etc. start asking yourself where is the evidence of those thoughts? If you weren't meant to be there, why are you? If others are drawn to who you are or whatever you are giving off, that's a surefire sign you are doing something right! So, check those facts, check that evidence, and realize you are exactly where you should be - have faith it will continue to work out exactly how you work it out to be.
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To wrap this all up, my friends, nobody is perfect, but nobody can be you. There is nothing wrong with being genuinely proud of your arduous work and accomplishments. It's always awesome to be appreciative and gracious with a humble head, but don't continue to beat yourself down so much that you sell yourself short. When you are working from a place of authenticity and self-truth, you will know where you belong or don't. Continue to work on yourself there first, and then watch it manifest itself outward.
Everyone has a story - continue to make yours real. That's where your power lives.
Do you struggle with imposter syndrome? How do you cope or how have you overcome it? We would love to hear from you below! 💛
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